Blog #487: Trying on Clothes and Shoes as a Neurodivergent

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A couple of blogs ago, I talked about why taking holiday card photos aren’t for everyone. Just the forced activity of being out of your comfort zone for the sake of something that is insignificant to you can cause sensory overload and anxiety to neurodivergents.

But there is something else that bothers neurodivergents more than anything and that’s being dragged to your neighborhood clothing store and having to try on clothes and shoes for specific occasions. Now, unlike holiday card photos, I do get that we need to try on clothes and shoes for the purpose that our bodies are continuously growing and changing and that what we have will no longer fit us.

But just the idea of being dragged to someplace like Macy’s and brought to the dressing room can otherwise ruin a neurodivergent’s day as a whole. Like a lot of social matters, families just don’t understand that trying on clothes and shoes is bothersome. In addition, there is also the matter of being in a not so sensory friendly location like a shopping mall that the individual has to contend with and the sensory issues that come with it.

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Then there’s the picking, the trying on and the interrogation that the parent or guardian puts on to see if the garment is a fit for you. Right there, there is so much that your brain can take and you can’t process what is being asked of you. All of these may not see important to a lot of families and individuals, but it is.

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To this end, the best advice I can give you as someone who has been through this many times is that to try and limit the stress as much as possible, even though it goes against your methods and ways as a parent/guardian.

One example would be for the parent/guardian to pick what they think is best or have the child/individual go online with them and pick on garments there. The parent/guardian can then go to the store and see if the garment is available. If it is, then they can take the garments to the child/individual and they can try them on in the comfort and sensory friendly confines of their home. If it doesn’t fit, then the garment can be returned for a refund.

Second, it’s important to keep the questions to a minimum, especially for neurodivergent individuals. You can ask questions like “how does it fit” or “how does it feel”? But if the individual is being overstimulated, sometimes its best to not ask questions at all.

Third, there may be times where the individual will need to be taken to a tailor to have the garment’s hemmed or fitted. Some individuals will have a hard time holding still on account that pins and needles will be used and the individual will get into his or her mind that they will be getting poked with the pins and needles. My advice is to not go to the tailors unless you really have to do so.

Finally, some families will go clothes shopping for a specific purpose such as weddings, funerals, parties, etc. and they will want to look good for the rest of the family or friends to maintain their dignity and social standing. If there is one thing I can say to that is at the end of the day, no one is going to care or give two bits on how you look.

Everyone will largely focus on the event or occasion and nothing more. No one is going to care how you look and sure you may get compliments, but all that is really important is the individual’s mental health during the event or occasion.

I mean, take a look at this scene between Vivien Leigh and Hattie McDaniel from “Gone with the Wind” (1939) and you’ll get an idea of what goes in the mind of either side. You have Scarlett O’Hara (Vivien Leigh) trying to be the carefree rebel while Mammy (Hattie McDaniel) tries to ensure that Scarlett looks her best and behaves like a proper southern belle at a barbecue hosted at the Wilkes Ranch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ7r2OVu1ss

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In conclusion, while trying on clothes and shoes can be deemed essential to the human race, it isn’t for everyone and while some may argue that they will go through the process as they see fit, it’s important to take baby steps to ensure that the process is easy for the individual. Again, mental health takes precedence over something as replaceable as garments and shoes, especially for individuals that have sensory needs.

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Catch you all later!!