Blog #288: Helicopter Parents and Guardians
- Jeffrey Snyder
- Oct 31, 2022
- 3 min read
It may seem like a picture out of the Sunday comics, but it is a picture that says a thousand words about something that adult neurodiverse individuals like myself often struggle with…helicopter parents.
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Now, at the time of this blog’s writing, I am preparing to head out to San Diego to assist Autism Tree with their Neuroscience Conference on Friday as well as sign copies of “This is Autism.” As many of you know, I am a very experienced traveler and very capable of traveling to pursue my mission of telling my story of growing up neurodiverse.
Usually, I travel solo, but for events like this, I have my wingman going with me on account that he is a team player for Autism Tree and one of my strongest supporters along with my mom.
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But and I apologize to both him and my mom if they end up reading this blog, there are times I feel like they are being helicopter parents to me. This is true if they frequently call me at certain times during the day when I don’t feel like talking to them or if I am busy with something as an example.
As I have said before, I love my folks to death, but they sometimes feel like they should be a huge part of my life because of my autism when they really should be focusing on their own lives such as spending time with my nieces in Virginia, for example.
Sometimes, when they go down to Virginia, I always remind them that my sister and her family are top priority over me as a reminder of staying focused on the task at hand on their end. But they will say that I am their top priority always…even though they will have their hands full with my nieces.
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Most individuals my age have already achieved success without parental interference, but keep in mind that there are some individuals that may never be free of helicopter parents because of their disability, their vulnerability or the fact that they just simply can’t be trusted due to past mistakes.
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A lot of times, most parents will often get involved in their child’s business without their asking. Trust me, this has happened to me before many times and I get so flustered, I can’t express what is on my mind because it will hurt them or embarrass me. If I did feel like expressing myself, then they would come off as thinking of me as spoiled or selfish.
Sometimes, I think of the words to say, but then I think of the response I get: “Part of the job of being a parent, is getting involved in your personal matters” or “He or she is my child, and I will deal with them as I see fit.”
This is true if the child or individual has done past mistakes that have involved the law or certain people. But the actions of helicopter parents do result in severe consequences that can make the child resentful towards the parents later in life.
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More recently, I saw an episode of the Netflix series, “The Crown,” which is about Philip forcing Charles to go to his childhood school over the objections of Elizabeth II and the rest of the royal family. As a result, Charles ended up being more emotionally damaged because his father chose his own future.
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Again, the trouble is we don’t know how to respond when we are put in situations like this and as you watch the next two clips below, put yourself in the shoes of Rainbow Dash, Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst when they are in a similar situation and how you would react just like them.
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Yes, I would imagine that you would feel like crud when you unleash your anger on people who only want their own best interest for you. But there is a difference between pursuing your life’s goal and still being a son or daughter. If you are a parent reading this blog, put yourself in your child’s shoes and think to yourself, “Am I really doing more harm than good? Do I need to step back and let my child follow their dreams?”
It’s something that is very hard for a lot of parents to face, but when we have children, we have to face the reality of letting our children live their lives and that includes not being helicopter parents.
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Catch you all later!!
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